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Humour

Humourous Claims

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."  
  "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I hit him."  
  "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."  
  "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."  
  "The Truck backed through my windscreen into my wife's face."
"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."  
  "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."  
  "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."  
  "The car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"I was sure the man would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."  

Dozy dialectic delights!

"The Queen's gone round the bend" - Henry Riddell, on a royal parade  
  "There isn't a record in existance that hasn't been broken." - Chat Blyth
"When this table was first made it was brand new." - Arthur Negus  
  "Back pain is a real headache for local doctors." - Radio Piccadilly, Manchester
"The grouse are in absolutely no danger from people who shoot grouse." - The Duke of Edinburgh  
  "And there he is reigning supreme at number 2." - DJ Alan Freeman
"We could have taken the lead before we even scored." - Peter Beardsley  
  "This is a great day for France." - President Nixon at the funeral of Georges Pompidou
"What's your name, Kate.?" - Simon Bates  
  "Is there any link between asbestos and asbestos-linked diseases?" - Jimmy Young


 
 
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